What a year it has been.....
2008 began like any other year, we had an enjoyable Christmas and a non eventful new years day, there isn't much to do in the corn field. February came and I started to substitute for the kids school. Before we knew it March snuck up on us and the kids were out for spring break. We didn't go anywhere because a Florida trip was planned for the end of May.
Then tragedy hit. On April 12 we received a phone call that Roberts mom wasn't well and that we need to get to Tennessee ASAP. The house became very busy with 6 people running around grabbing everything that they could think of for the trip. An hour passed and we had 6 people and a dog packed and ready to go. Finally arriving at 5am eastern time we checked into our hotel for a 4 hour nap. Arriving at the hospital we were delightfully surprised when we saw Mary Lou, she was full of life. For 2 and a half days she talked with the kids and played several rounds of Uno. Tuesday afternoon her condition worsened. She wasn't awake as much and had little interest in Uno. April 18 Mary Lou died. I had never had to deal with a death of a loved one. I said to several friends that I hope I never have to go through that type of sorrow again this year, one is enough. During our stay in TN Roberts grandmother had a stroke which put her in the hospital, the same hospital that Mary Lou was in. The Wednesday following Mary Lou's death his grandmother went to the heart doctor for a checkup where she was later scheduled for a bypass surgery. She went for surgery the following week were she received a single bypass surgery, replaced the stint that was put in in 1999, and surgery for an aneurysm. She came out of surgery just fine but very weak. She is slowly recovering from the surgery.
For the rest of April and all of May my focus was just getting my kids through school. Anthony had the hardest time trying to juggle makeup work, daily work and also dealing with his grandmothers death. We made it through and were ecstatic when May 23 came, it was time to leave for a well needed trip to Florida for 2 weeks. The car ride was uneventful with a layover and dog drop off in TN Friday night. We arrived in Florida at 11:00 pm Saturday. It was great to finally feel the sun for spring had yet to hit Illinois before we left!! Our trip consisted of soaking in sun, swimming and of course shopping!! When the cousins came on Thursday the noise level went from low to extreme high. If we weren't at the beach the kids were back at dad house splashing in the pool. After many attempts to keep the water in the pool my dad finally gave up. The kids were having so much fun that keeping up where the water was going was at the bottom of their list!! There was so much water on the side of the pool that one would think there was a baby pool also!! With the humidity in Florida creeping its way up the girls (Jenn, Alicia, myself, Alyssa, Olivia, Madelyn, and Gabi) headed out for a much needed shopping trip to the local outlets. Guys women can only go for so long before we start to go through withdraw from lack of shopping!! It was a great girls day out and many bargains found. After a enjoyable vacation we started to head back home on June 8. Arriving back home, after an overnight stay in TN, we were pleasantly surprised to come back to warm weather. Spring and summer is finally going to come and not pass us by!!
But life doesn't stop there. On June 10 I got word that my dads wife had died. The pain that I felt that day wasn't for me but for my dad and my kids. How on earth was I going to tell them that grammy Pammy was gone?? For it wasn't but less than 2 months ago that they saw there other grandmother die. After numerous phone calls with my sisters I knew that I had to tell them before they got the word from overhearing me on the phone. Last night we gathered everyone in the TV room and let them know. All children handle their emotions differently, Madelyn was the one that broke down and cried. Alyssa remembered all that Pam was to us and things that she did with them. Anthony just laid on the floor in a daze. My heart sunk for them. Here they are still mourning the death of Mary Lou and now having to deal with the death of Pam. But with love and patients we will all get through this time of our lives and come out to be a stronger family.
For those of you whose children haven't gone through with dealing with death here are some words of advice, from someone who has now been through this twice. First, be honest with them and don't sugar coat it. Second, allow them to be part of the full process of the funeral. Don't force them to do anything that they don't want to. Allow them, if old enough, to decide if going to the viewing/funeral is what they want to do. I remember with Mary Lou's viewing that although they did go I gave them the option if they wanted to go see her in the caskets. Third, keep communication open. Let them know that you are there to listen and if they don't feel comfortable expressing themselves to an adult then encourage them to go to a friend/ cousin. My girls are 7 and 8, I am not real worried about them not coming to either Robert or I. But Anthony at 13 has a harder time talking to us. I encouraged him last night to call Jacob, his cousin. The two are extremely close and can give each other comfort, a way to express themselves and not bury inside them. Finally, be patient with them. It might be days or even weeks before they can talk about it. Allow them time to heal and let them know the you are here if they need you.
We are leaving on Tuesday to go to Ohio and will return on Thursday for a t-ball game. Even though we want the world to stop so we can grieve it won't and life must still go on. But with the love and support of friends and family we will all get through this hard time.
Both of these women played an important part in my life. They will both be missed. Never forgotten.
Then tragedy hit. On April 12 we received a phone call that Roberts mom wasn't well and that we need to get to Tennessee ASAP. The house became very busy with 6 people running around grabbing everything that they could think of for the trip. An hour passed and we had 6 people and a dog packed and ready to go. Finally arriving at 5am eastern time we checked into our hotel for a 4 hour nap. Arriving at the hospital we were delightfully surprised when we saw Mary Lou, she was full of life. For 2 and a half days she talked with the kids and played several rounds of Uno. Tuesday afternoon her condition worsened. She wasn't awake as much and had little interest in Uno. April 18 Mary Lou died. I had never had to deal with a death of a loved one. I said to several friends that I hope I never have to go through that type of sorrow again this year, one is enough. During our stay in TN Roberts grandmother had a stroke which put her in the hospital, the same hospital that Mary Lou was in. The Wednesday following Mary Lou's death his grandmother went to the heart doctor for a checkup where she was later scheduled for a bypass surgery. She went for surgery the following week were she received a single bypass surgery, replaced the stint that was put in in 1999, and surgery for an aneurysm. She came out of surgery just fine but very weak. She is slowly recovering from the surgery.
For the rest of April and all of May my focus was just getting my kids through school. Anthony had the hardest time trying to juggle makeup work, daily work and also dealing with his grandmothers death. We made it through and were ecstatic when May 23 came, it was time to leave for a well needed trip to Florida for 2 weeks. The car ride was uneventful with a layover and dog drop off in TN Friday night. We arrived in Florida at 11:00 pm Saturday. It was great to finally feel the sun for spring had yet to hit Illinois before we left!! Our trip consisted of soaking in sun, swimming and of course shopping!! When the cousins came on Thursday the noise level went from low to extreme high. If we weren't at the beach the kids were back at dad house splashing in the pool. After many attempts to keep the water in the pool my dad finally gave up. The kids were having so much fun that keeping up where the water was going was at the bottom of their list!! There was so much water on the side of the pool that one would think there was a baby pool also!! With the humidity in Florida creeping its way up the girls (Jenn, Alicia, myself, Alyssa, Olivia, Madelyn, and Gabi) headed out for a much needed shopping trip to the local outlets. Guys women can only go for so long before we start to go through withdraw from lack of shopping!! It was a great girls day out and many bargains found. After a enjoyable vacation we started to head back home on June 8. Arriving back home, after an overnight stay in TN, we were pleasantly surprised to come back to warm weather. Spring and summer is finally going to come and not pass us by!!
But life doesn't stop there. On June 10 I got word that my dads wife had died. The pain that I felt that day wasn't for me but for my dad and my kids. How on earth was I going to tell them that grammy Pammy was gone?? For it wasn't but less than 2 months ago that they saw there other grandmother die. After numerous phone calls with my sisters I knew that I had to tell them before they got the word from overhearing me on the phone. Last night we gathered everyone in the TV room and let them know. All children handle their emotions differently, Madelyn was the one that broke down and cried. Alyssa remembered all that Pam was to us and things that she did with them. Anthony just laid on the floor in a daze. My heart sunk for them. Here they are still mourning the death of Mary Lou and now having to deal with the death of Pam. But with love and patients we will all get through this time of our lives and come out to be a stronger family.
For those of you whose children haven't gone through with dealing with death here are some words of advice, from someone who has now been through this twice. First, be honest with them and don't sugar coat it. Second, allow them to be part of the full process of the funeral. Don't force them to do anything that they don't want to. Allow them, if old enough, to decide if going to the viewing/funeral is what they want to do. I remember with Mary Lou's viewing that although they did go I gave them the option if they wanted to go see her in the caskets. Third, keep communication open. Let them know that you are there to listen and if they don't feel comfortable expressing themselves to an adult then encourage them to go to a friend/ cousin. My girls are 7 and 8, I am not real worried about them not coming to either Robert or I. But Anthony at 13 has a harder time talking to us. I encouraged him last night to call Jacob, his cousin. The two are extremely close and can give each other comfort, a way to express themselves and not bury inside them. Finally, be patient with them. It might be days or even weeks before they can talk about it. Allow them time to heal and let them know the you are here if they need you.
We are leaving on Tuesday to go to Ohio and will return on Thursday for a t-ball game. Even though we want the world to stop so we can grieve it won't and life must still go on. But with the love and support of friends and family we will all get through this hard time.
Both of these women played an important part in my life. They will both be missed. Never forgotten.
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by Thats So Lizzie 2 at 8:40 AM
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